Roundtree Days Read online

  Gerald Elias

  ROUNDTREE DAYS

  ROUNDTREE DAYS

  First published by Level Best Books 2022

  Copyright © 2022 by Gerald Elias

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.

  This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

  Gerald Elias asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

  First edition

  ISBN: 978-1-68512-171-6

  Cover art by Level Best Designs

  This book was professionally typeset on Reedsy

  Find out more at reedsy.com

  To the Utah desert, which has everything it needs to sustain vibrant life, if only humans would let it.

  Praise for Elias Mysteries

  “Fans of ratiocination will be pleased with Utah concertmaster Elias’ witty and acerbic debut.”—Kirkus Reviews

  “This richly plotted mystery will thrill music lovers, while those not so musically inclined will find it equally enjoyable.” —Publishers Weekly

  “A musical feast for mystery and music lovers.”—Library Journal (Starred review)

  “…the twists and turns of his plotting will keep readers guessing. The real hook here, however, is the insider’s view of the musical world…”—Booklist

  “Brilliant and captivating on every level.”—Starred review, Booklist

  “Elias has a nose for creative detail and a refreshing impatience with pomposity. Indulge yourself in his artfulness.”—Kirkus Reviews

  “There’s just one word for this book: bravo!”—Starred review, Publisher’s Weekly

  Chapter One

  7:00 a.m.

  JEFFERSON DANCE

  I was soon to confront murder in a devilish form, but at the moment it was upon Meg’s much more angelic form that I found myself idly gazing. I lowered my cup of coffee and gave her a closer inspection.

  She lay naked on her side in unselfconscious repose, a vision of voluptuous feminine pulchritude, daring to be stared at. And stare I did, remarking her every detail. Her pudgy hand with delicate fingers—which had never seen a day of work—supported by her bent right arm and dimpled elbow, propping up her smooth, glossy cheek. Her Mona Lisa smile at once coy and suggestive, framed by tawny, curly locks wreathed in a garland of hemlock. Her teasingly pouting lips and the nipples on her breasts rosier than those which nature bestows, contrasting against the alabaster whiteness of her complexion. Her left hand, caressing her hip, clutching a diaphanous kerchief tantalizingly draped over her nether parts, preserving what little modesty there remained that could be preserved. Her name was Meg—Roaring Meg, to be totally accurate. I knew that because that was the name engraved on the nameplate beneath her. And though she was constructed of wood and plaster and paint and hung in bas-relief above the gilt-edged bar mirror and below a Tiffany-style chandelier, I smiled back at her, my singularly arresting breakfast companion. They say worshiping graven images is a sin. Fortunately, I’m not religious.

  My eyes found their way to the mirror below Meg, where I saw a man looking into it who I determined after some considerable inspection must have been me. Though the mirror was as spotless as everything else at the Vermillion Arms, which in my youth was called the Loomis City Grand Hotel, the glass must’ve been of the vintage variety because it skewed the mouth and chin a bit to the right, like at a carnival. Or could that have been the souvenir of a broken jaw courtesy of an intoxicated ranch hand on a Saturday night long ago? The right eye seemed alert although, with some justification, on the tired side. The left eye was covered with a patch—my error, not the rattlesnake’s for its natural instinct to protect its territory. It was a lesson learned—thankfully not a fatal one—not to bed down too close to rocky overhangs.

  One might have discovered a touch of gray, had the over-worn Stetson been lifted off the head. If I recall correctly, there were fewer facial wrinkles the last time I looked, and the weathered complexion under them might have been the result of worry or simply of a lifetime of reluctance to living indoors. Probably the latter, as it had long been my philosophy to leave the lion’s share of worrying to others. My image in the mirror lifted a mug of coffee and took a long draft, and after giving the issue serious consideration concluded that the overall visage probably would not be of the type to greatly endear him to Roaring Meg.

  Three coffees ago I had entered the Vermillion Arms dining room, leaving the cool, dry morning air, fragrant with desert sage, and exchanging it for the aroma of sizzling bacon and blueberry buttermilk pancakes. A fair trade. Dawn was just making its presence felt, but the place was already abuzz with activity. A sea of tourists, mostly elderly, had inundated Loomis City, Utah for the annual Roundtree Days Festival weekend and filled every seat in the restaurant—and the whole town for that matter—which is what had necessitated setting my keister on a stool at the polished mahogany and brass bar.

  Meaning no disrespect to Meg, it was the impressive head of a bighorn ram, boasting a pair of magnificent spiraling horns and mounted to the left of Meg’s ruby-red painted toenails that was giving my heart palpitations. In twenty-four hours, my friend Poot Ahern and I would embark upon a long-awaited bow and arrow hunting expedition, the object of which was to come home with a trophy of our own. After years of submitting our names in the lottery and coming up empty, we finally were granted two of fewer than forty permits issued by the state to hunt the Utah desert bighorn, arguably the most coveted big game in the West. Loomis City would be our starting point, conveniently situated as it was in the middle of Utah’s vast desert wilderness.

  While I waited for Poot to arrive, my gaze alternated between the ram and Meg, both of them vying for, and stimulating, my wandering imagination. Poot had free time on his hands. He had recently resigned from his position as the ranger at Antelope Island State Park in the Great Salt Lake because some state legislator had the brilliant idea that converting the water in the lake from salt to fresh and stocking it with fish would make it more of a tourist attraction. How that could be accomplished with water five times saltier than the ocean, how much it would cost, and what that might do to the overall ecology of the land even if it were possible (which it wasn’t) were issues that seemed not to have troubled the esteemed senator. But that brand of alchemy was more than enough foolishness for Poot, who decided that after our hunting trip he’d forgo a return to public service and devote his energies to his ranch, where the only bureaucracy was his Angus herd, and the only debate occurred where they congregated at the trough.

  What had brought me back to Loomis City after all these years was an invitation from Merle Tuttle, the sheriff of Castle County. Tuttle had been a friend of my folks before we moved out of Loomis City, and because his deputy was on leave for a hundred-forty-member family reunion up in Provo he needed help with traffic and crowd control at this year’s festival, which began two days ago, on Friday. The summer-ending festival had grown every year since its inception, and this year’s continued the upward trajectory. Though the town still only had a few dozen parking spots and a single traffic light at the intersection of Center and Main, Tuttle didn’t think it would be too much of a challenge for me to keep the herd of several thousand humans from stampeding. “You’ve always had a knack for making molehills out of mountains,” he said by way of a compliment, kindly notin
g that on previous occasions I had volunteered my assistance to law enforcement around the state. To make things official, Tuttle appointed me acting deputy sheriff and even gave me a badge.

  Catching the eye of the young lady who was the breakfast bartender, I pointed to my mug for yet another refill, which I’d allowed to get cold while I was wasting my time musing over the wall hangings. With a smile and a wink, she promised me a heater as soon as a fresh pot was ready, and I turned my attention to my copy of the local weekly newspaper, the Public Pinyon. Page one was divided between news of the festival—this year’s was record-breaking in every quantifiable category—and a story about the beginning of fall practice for the high school football team. The Scorpions’ coach was reported to have expressed optimism they would improve upon last year’s record of two wins and seven losses. Let’s hope his optimism will be rewarded, since odds were that they couldn’t do much worse. Page two was a summary of the recent selectmen’s town meeting, which got me hoping that the fresh pot of coffee would be ready soon. I shifted my attention to an eye-catching ad for a grand opening of a new steakhouse. It was called Buffalo Grill, accompanied by the slogan, “Won’t Ya Come Out Tonite?” I decided to decline the cordial invitation, not that I was ever averse to a good medium-rare rib eye, but because I was mildly allergic to bad puns and misspellings, intentional or not.

  Turning the page, I found a whole foldout section of festival activities, which I took a pass on, and I had just begun perusing the Loomis Lore column on the back page when my phone rang. The call wasn’t about traffic control.

  I glanced at the mirror and behind the image of my face, which was taking on a progressively more somber aspect, I spied Poot scissoring his way toward me, parting the gray sea with a series of “pardons” and “excuse me, ma’ams.”

  “Truck’s packed for our hunting trip tomorrow morning,” he said without preamble.

  “Well, you can unpack. We got to go out to Merle Tuttle’s place. Seems someone burned down his stable.”

  “Okay.”

  Without waiting for my fresh coffee, I left an Andrew Jackson on the bar counter for the waitress in consideration of her good intentions. Though I couldn’t swear to it, it looked like the bighorn ram was smirking, as if he had designed to place obstacles in my path in my hunt for his brethren. So, I tipped my hat to Meg instead, not that I expected a response. After all, she hadn’t moved since they nailed her up there in 1878.

  CONRAD MICHENER

  The longer Ashlee’s cellphone rang, the more my “Wee Willy”—as she so charmingly referred to it—shrank.

  “Are you trying to break the world quickie record?” she pouted. Maneuvering to give me a little manual CPR with her left hand, she answered the phone with her right, which did little to enhance the aura of romance. Nor did the bed, which apparently was as vintage as everything else in the Vermillion Arms and squeaked like a stepped-on mouse.

  Ashlee swiveled off the bed and abandoned me to her phone, her divine posterior alluringly positioned six inches from my face. Not that I minded the view—it was voted (informally) one of the ten most glorious asses in Hollywood—but I soon got the distinct impression she had forgotten I was there. I was tempted to reach out and squeeze those delectable cheeks, both to remind her of my presence and, as the saying goes, because it was there. Whoever had called her was doing most of the talking, with Ashlee just shaking her lustrous locks from time to time. That probably was not an effective conversational tactic for a phone conversation, but seeing her long, blond tresses tossing from side to side almost got me going again. I took a clandestine photo of her on my own phone as a little keepsake.

  Finally, before hanging up, she got in the last word.

  “Ugh.”

  “Who was that?” I asked.

  “Inez.”

  “What’s she want? It’s the middle of the night.”

  “It’s almost eight o’clock.”

  “Like I said. What’d she want? She told us we don’t have to be anywhere before ten.”

  “Merle Tuttle’s stable’s burned down.”

  “So what? Sometimes things burn down.”

  I hoped this ingenious line of reasoning would be sufficiently convincing to get back to business, and I wrapped an arm around Ashlee’s waist and probed her belly button with my index finger, something I could usually count on to get the desired result. For some reason, she shouldered me away.

  “You don’t get it,” she said.

  “What’s to get?”

  “It didn’t just burn down. Someone burned it down.”

  “How does Inez know that? She’s a publicist, not Christiane Amanpour.”

  “It’s her job to know stuff.”

  I was about to argue that certain “stuff” was not relevant enough to impinge upon my lifestyle, when there was a knock on the door.

  “Who is it?” Ashlee asked.

  “Room service. Your breakfast.”

  Ashlee opened the door, buck naked, and grabbed the tray from the bellhop quickly, not to protect her modesty but because he was so flummoxed it looked as if he was about to drop it.

  “Thank you!” I called from the bed. “That will be all.” Except for his tongue, which had unfurled down to his knees, the bellhop hadn’t moved, but not from the reason Ashlee thought. Sometimes the obvious eluded her.

  “Sorry,” she said, “I can’t give you a tip. I don’t have anything on me.” She closed the door with him still standing there.

  God bless Ashlee, she has the appetite of a Green Bay linebacker in the offseason and had ordered the Mother Lode breakfast special. She returned to the bed with the heavily laden tray, and while she tore pieces of rye toast, dabbed them into her fried eggs, and stuffed her face, I gorged myself on home fries and sausages. And that was just for starters. By the time we finished, we were feeling much better. It was almost as good as sex, but not quite. And I know this because the sex we had for dessert was better. Wee Willy rides again!

  Since there was no smoking in the hotel, I could only imagine the cigarette I would have lit after we’d consummated. I was feeling good. At least until Ashlee whispered what I was hoping were going to be sweet nothings in my ear. But what she said instead was, “You didn’t burn down Merle’s stable. Did you?”

  “Why do you even think that?”

  “You know why.”

  “No, I didn’t burn down Merle’s stable. Scout’s honor. Did you?”

  So much for conjugal bliss.

  Chapter Two

  8:00 a.m.

  JEFFERSON DANCE

  We headed out to Merle Tuttle’s ranch in my truck, which was built the same year as Voyager One and probably had as many miles on it. Poot’s was better, but he still had his horse trailer hooked up to it.

  In Loomis City, you could usually walk a block in thirty seconds. This weekend, with all the festival traffic and jaywalkers, driving one block took ten minutes. Like all Utah towns and cities settled by the Mormons, by nature and training an orderly people, the streets of Loomis City were arranged on a grid in an effort to create order within an untamed landscape. The center point of the grid was the intersection of the two major streets, Center and Main, which ran exactly North-South and East-West, respectively. From that center point, streets radiated outwards in the four cardinal directions, always the same distance apart, and were numbered by the hundreds. For example, the intersection one block north and one block east of the center is called 100 N and 100 E. It might not be poetic, but even a blind man could navigate any Utah city as long as he knew where he was starting.

  We finally made it to the local Suzi Q’s Pik ’n Pak on the outskirts of town and stopped to buy Tuttle some precut sandwiches, coffee, and chaw tobacco. I didn’t know his favorite brand but figured he’d appreciate the gesture, nonetheless. If he didn’t like it, he could always spit it out. The cashier at the register had a nametag that identified her as Lindsie. The smiley face insignia on the tag was well-chosen, as the young lady wa
s a cheerful, blue-eyed high school girl, no doubt happy to have a summer job, or more accurately the paycheck that went along with it.

  A mile beyond Suzi Q’s the traffic thinned out, civilization disappeared in the rearview mirror, and the desert took over. At the point where State Road 12 narrowed to one lane in each direction and the speed limit changed from thirty to forty miles per hour, a big hand-painted banner over a roadside souvenir stand read ROUNDTREE DAYS SALE! WELCOME! in bold red, white, and blue. A couple of Navajo families had removed a well-worn canvas tarp that covered their merchandise and were in the process of removing a second. Rough boards and the ground served as display shelves, on which were arranged the typical tourist wares: rugs, bowls, baskets, turquoise jewelry, statues, flutes, and dream catchers. Next to the souvenirs a few enterprising Navajo children interrupted setting up their lemonade stand to wave as we drove by. Their poster read ADE IN AMERICA! ONLY 50¢!

  The speed limit ratcheted up to fifty-five, and shortly thereafter we veered off to the right onto a dirt road that was only a road because someone had driven back and forth enough times on the desert floor to make it one. We were in high-country desert, meaning that while there were no Sahara-style sand dunes, what grows there—a gray-green sea of pinyon pine and juniper, Mormon tea, yucca, black brush, and prickly pear cactus—has the tenacity to survive on precious drops of rain that are few and far between. But the notion there is not enough rain in the desert is a misconception. It may be true for man’s survival, but for what thrives in the desert it is exactly the right amount.

  It wasn’t hard to spot Merle Tuttle’s house at the end of the road, as it was the only one. It was harder to spot the stable, because so little was left of it. Curiously, the house, which was barely more than twenty yards from the stable, seemed to have survived unscathed.